One thing I value a great deal is transparency. In writing Our Bill Pickle, I try to provide an honest reflection of whatever it is I’m writing about, whether it’s our budget, how we planned our debt-free wedding, or how we paid off our car 14 months early.
I try to be upfront about where we’re coming from, about the privileges that let us do the things we do and the challenges that we face. I want to be authentic and relatable; this post is born out of that place.
Things are about to get a little vulnerable here, but I think this is something that might resonate.
Next month, I will turn 29. One year out from 30.
I thought I would be further along in life at this point.
That’s not to say I’m unhappy with where I am. I’m not.
My life is good; I am keenly aware of how richly blessed I am and to pretend otherwise would make me both foolish and out of touch with reality.
But for all the good, there are still many milestones I want to reach in this life. And sometimes I get hung up on all the things I’m not doing – especially when I see others who are “getting ahead”, so to speak.
I do not wear green well. At all.
Envy isn’t something I ever expected would be a heart issue for me. It feels unnatural, something I am grateful for; I strongly suspect it is linked to the aforementioned feeling that I have somehow fallen behind.
As if there is actually an established timeline for all things( there isn’t). As if dwelling in that feeling changes things for the better (it doesn’t).
Surely I’m not the only one who has ever felt this way?
Which brings me to the reason I am writing about this. I don’t think I’m the only one who has experienced this. And if that’s as true as I suspect it is, I wanted to share the most important life lesson I’m learning through this season.
It’s a simple thing, a phrase you have no doubt used or heard at some point in your life.
I made that graphic in July and pinned it to the top of my Twitter profile. It reminds me that:
- Comparing yourself to others is a great way to make yourself miserable.
- Putting pressure on yourself to meet non-existent deadlines and targets is a great way to make yourself miserable.
- The key to not making yourself miserable? Stop caring so much about those things and instead focus on what you’re doing. In other words: you do you.Easier said than done. Like I said, it’s something I struggle with, too.
That’s why I am sharing this today: to let you know if you are struggling with comparison, you’re not alone. Perhaps more significantly, I wanted to say you don’t need to beat yourself up or feel like an asshole for feeling this way because you’re a human being. It’s OK.
Living in that space indefinitely, though? I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound appealing to me. Which is why I’m working every day to choose joy. To embrace my now instead of focusing so much on what’s down the road. Am I succeeding in these efforts? Not always, but I’m trying not to be too hard on myself.
I’m right where I need to be.
So are you.
Yes to all of this! I don’t wear green well, either. 🙂 I try to remember that we’re all on our own timelines and nobody is actually behind – we just feel that way because of what society has ingrained in us. I also try to take note of what makes me feel jealous and explore that feeling – usually, it means I want what they have, so what can I do to get it?
Re: taking note and exploring the things that spark jealousy – I’ve been trying to do this as well! It’s not always an easy thing to do because it essentially requires confronting a more ugly side of myself, so to speak, but I think it’s good – especially if you go in with a mindset of trying to change your attitude toward it. It is good to know I’m not the only person who struggles with this, though!
Everyone struggles with envy in life or not reaching preset goals or timelines. I do feel that the saying “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence ” has much deeper meaning than people give it credit for. As the gambler tends to gloat on their winnings , they do not dwell on the loss they have incurred. Perhaps the person with the green grass focuses heavily on the perfect green grass , while the person on the other side also tends to a beautiful flower garden, exploding in many more colours than green. As well they have a vegetable and fruit garden that with the Lords help feeds and nourishes others. Yes, your grass may not be as green but your yard may be much more beautiful and nourishing. With much love!!
well, that was beautifully put. It’s very possible that the only thing I can really say to this is wow and thank you for the encouragement (and you know me – it’s not every day that I don’t have a lot of things to add. I really think you nailed it with this).
Much love to you, too!
“The grass is always greener” always leads me to think of some torrid affair where the partner goes next door when the man is at work. When women were housewives. I don’t know if this is true or it’s just what I picture in my head. Maybe that’s a deep seated belief that’s been instilled or just my over thinking brain working out the possibilities.
This is particularly difficult in your former business and environment, where your worth is measured in clicks and numbers and graphs, etc. But I look at it in terms of doing the best you possibly can and feeling good about that. I marvel at what you have overcome and how far you’ve come to achieve what you’ve achieved and do what you’ve done; recognize what a great future you have, and don’t worry about suffering by comparison,
You’re totally right re: all you can do being the best you can do. Thanks for the encouragement, Bill – you’re one of the good ones!